It has been over five years since I joined the Convex group in February 2019. People often say that before one’s life comes to an end, they recall the most significant moments of their journey. At this moment, as someone who has left campus life behind, I can’t help but reminisce about my time at UST.
These five years have been filled with unforgettable moments.
In 2019, I faced the anxiety of hair loss shortly after arriving at UST, the fear of trembling through my first group meetings, the joy of completing my first project, followed by the frustration of realizing it was plagued by overfitting, and finally, the elation of achieving first place in the Convex exam. Toward the end of that year, amidst the social movements, I experienced being trapped in the MTR for three hours and the feeling of wandering restlessly across Shenzhen. From Nanjing University to HKUST, my life has undergone significant changes. Compared to Nanjing, Hong Kong has a more comfortable climate, but the living conditions have noticeably declined. I live in a very small apartment, and when I first arrived, my room even faced a neighbor’s kitchen. The school cafeteria serves overly greasy food, and one issue that has particularly puzzled me is this: why is the roasted meat from the cafeteria so bad, yet so many people still line up to buy it?
Starting in 2020, I embarked on three surreal years. The pandemic spread at lightning speed—sports fields closed, masks became essential, group meetings moved online, and every outing required meticulous precautions. For reasons I couldn’t explain, the distance between people seemed to grow. During those days, my life was confined to research and staring into the mirror at my own reflection. I spent 18 consecutive months unable to return home, including Lunar New Year’s Eve, when families traditionally reunite. I was instead alone in my dorm, racing against a paper deadline. That isolation and pain profoundly shaped who I am today. The year 2020 was also my loneliest year. Many times, I had no one to talk to at all. My only connection with the outside world was through QQ groups, and chatting in the Fujian NJUEE group from my university became my sole form of social interaction. When the pandemic first began, there was no way to know how strong or weak the virus was. On one hand, I had to avoid being sent to an isolation center, and on the other, I had to continue endless research work. This was perhaps the most unproductive year of my life. I wasted a lot of time exploring machine learning to predict stock price movements, which, looking back now, were misguided research efforts.
In 2021, I fell in love with hiking and the thrill of conquering Hong Kong’s breathtaking landscapes. Perhaps it was the result of being physically confined for too long during the pandemic—my spirit felt equally trapped. I still vividly remember my first adventure: tackling Hong Kong’s famed Sharp Peak. A grueling 10-hour hike left my legs numb, but we succeeded. It felt like proof that with effort, our potential is limitless. That period became the highlight of my Ph.D. journey. I conquered the 16-kilometer, 8-hour trail of Phoenix Mountain, the 30-kilometer, 11-hour Ghost Hand Rock route, and even the 45-kilometer MacLehose Trail Sections 6–10 in a single day. Through these experiences, I at least proved to myself that I could change. This year, I became more independent and more willing to challenge myself. I completed the 30-kilometer Ghost Hand Rock hiking route on my own. I still remember the last 10 kilometers, which took three hours. I ran out of water and was completely exhausted. It wasn’t until I crossed the dam and saw an ice cream truck from the brand “Rich’s Ice Cream” that I finally, finally got some much-needed replenishment. This was also the year I learned to wake up early and complete two-hour morning hikes, climbing to the peaks near campus to watch the sunrise over HKUST. It’s truly not easy to have something you’re passionate about.
In 2022, I finally returned home and reunited with my family, thanks to the help of my friend. I still remember that Lunar New Year vividly—an endless feast of delicious food. After being stuck in Hong Kong for so long, I had almost forgotten how wonderful food could taste. However, the good times didn’t last long. As the pandemic resurged in Hong Kong, I found myself stranded in Nanjing. When the outbreak hit Nanjing as well, I was confined to my rented apartment for several weeks. Spending such a long time in solitude, I began to feel numb to the importance of social interactions. This was another year where I seriously wasted a lot of time. To some extent, my self-discipline wasn’t very strong. When I was stuck alone in my rented apartment, I would end up wasting time in various ways. Out of my five years as a PhD student, 2022 and 2020 were the only years where I wasted a significant amount of time, and I deeply regret it.
In 2023, I proved to myself that I could publish at a top AI conference. With the unwavering support of the senior, I finally achieved a long-held dream of having my work accepted at NeurIPS, one of AI’s top three conferences. It was a milestone I had been striving toward for a long time. Yet, I often found myself feeling melancholic. Back in my Nanjing University days, I was the only student to earn first place in my machine learning course, and I topped the convex course here as well. But now, even publishing at a top conference feels beyond my grasp at times. Maybe I’m just the kind of bookworm who excels in exams, or perhaps I haven’t worked hard enough. The world keeps moving forward, while I seem to drift along with the current. The most memorable part of this year was traveling with Jiaxi to the U.S., visiting Europe with close friends, (Wentao, Zhipeng, and Hongru) and exploring my advisor’s hometown, Barcelona. I’ve sworn that once I secure permanent residency in Hong Kong, I’ll book a flight back to Barcelona. The Sagrada Família is truly breathtaking—it’s a place I know I must visit again. On this journey, I was fortunate to witness the most breathtaking sunrise of my life in Lucerne, be captivated by art at the Louvre, enjoy the most expensive instant noodles I’ve ever had in Switzerland (70 RMB), celebrate New Year’s Eve in Barcelona with Spanish seafood paella prepared by a Nepali family, and spend a warm, relaxing afternoon by the sea in Nice. I’m deeply grateful to my friends for taking the time to accompany me on this graduation trip. Meeting these friends during the last two years of my PhD has truly been an honor.
Looking back over the past five years, I realize just how fortunate I’ve been. I had an advisor who unconditionally supported me. Honestly, I regret not making the most of this opportunity. If I could start over, I would dive wholeheartedly into serious research. I dreamed of using long-short analysis methods to study stock prices, leveraging technical analysis to identify entry points for trades, and tracking unusual fund movements to deduce market maneuvers like shakeouts or unloading. But time waits for no one, and there’s no turning back. My advisor’s patience and tolerance for me throughout this journey have been invaluable. I must admit, I wasn’t the best student, but I had the good fortune of having a great mentor.
During my time here, I also met three very important seniors. Jiaxi dedicated an incredible amount of effort to every single one of my papers. Despite his own busy schedule, he always found time to guide me—a kindness I truly appreciate. More importantly, his academic rigor and scholarly approach set a gold standard for me, someone prone to carelessness. I’ve learned so much from him. Rui and Junyan also provided me with invaluable career advice, giving me a broad perspective on the job market. I joined Convex Group in the same year as Vinicius, who has been an endlessly optimistic and supportive friend. I still remember the night before my first paper deadline—he stayed up with me in the lab, working overnight to help refine my paper. That kind of camaraderie is truly unforgettable. My connection with Shengjie was serendipitous. He found the phone number listed on my personal website, used it to connect with me on WeChat, and eventually joined Convex Group through my referral. He became my closest friends during the pandemic. We tackled research together, cooked meals together, went hiking together—we shared a deep bond forged through those challenging times. After Junyan left the group, there was a brief period without any female members. Strangely enough, my advisor decided to recruit only female students afterward. It was a privilege to have two cheerful and sunny juniors, Runhao and Yifan, join the group. Their enthusiastic support during my graduation period was immensely helpful.
Although I’ve now left the Convex Group, I don’t feel overly sentimental. In some ways, I still feel connected…